When we look back at this time in our history, a time fraught with fear, unemployment, and a long stretch of tunnel without a light glimmering in the distance, what will I remember? I will remember a resourceful time when my friends and I bartered. Money tight? Barter. House need some work? Barter.
My friends have generously come to my aid in exchange for services rendered! I have designed and installed landscape, house sat, helped with garage sales, designed jewelry, read tarot cards...well, you get the drift. All in the name of services rendered for dear friends who have been so generous to me while I have been job hunting.
I am thinking about expanding on this notion regardless of my state of employment. Bartering makes me feel resourceful, competent and productive. And it helps people I love. Seems like a no-brainer to me. We all have our own skills and gifts.
I imagine this is how it was during the Great Depression. A day's work for a warm meal and a roof over your head for the night, a bushel of apples to thank someone for watching your children, etc.
Bartering is foreign to my generation. We are a hungry crowd of credit card warriors who live to acquire. Now, alot of us are out of work and we are finding value in ourselves for what we can DO for others-not for what we have or what we can buy them.
So, I am throwing down the gauntlet-I challenge you all to conduct a little experiment with your friends and family. Start bartering and swapping services.No cash exchanged, just services or items.
See how it changes your relationships, builds your self-esteem and gets your needs met. Everybody wins!
Your Friend
Adrienne
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Why we can't shut up!
I am confident that the female process of talking things to death was born when the first two primitive forms of life crawled out of the water- two of them were female and they were talking.
About anything….over and over again.
Think the birds are singing? Nope. Trust me, they are all talking to each other. Dogs barking? Nah….just chatting.
It is a phenomenon that has mystified the male of the species since the dawn of time. It is simply not in their DNA.
I embrace this fabulous DNA as my birthright and I have elevated it to an art form. I believe in the gathering of women.
Though I am middle aged, single, never married, with no kids-my friends all chose the traditional route of husbands, and families. And so my perspective is that of a single woman who is firmly entrenched in the lives and families of my closest friends. I know and love their children, and truly like their husbands. Martini Fridays are not about excluding them-it is about processing all that they bring!
Martini Fridays enable us to talk about all of it…all the time. It is cathartic. It is the female process that is buried in the female collective consciousness and bubbles to the surface wherever two or more of us are gathered. It is safety, and warmth, and love. It is what ultimately enables us to process the events of our lives and remain sane.
Indeed, it is what keeps us from smothering a spouse with a pillow, grounding our kids for life, and dodging our mothers' calls.
It is therapy and it's FREE! We hover, we "check-in", we send loving e-mail greeting cards, we scan and sniff the air for any disturbance in the "force", and most of all-we LISTEN.
So, wise men everywhere should gently nudge their women out the door to a Martini Friday. Guys can grunt at each other during a game and feel enlightened. Speaking isn't necessary for them. But, if they're smart, they know that the women in their lives need an ocean of estrogen to swim in to feel better.
Your Friend,
Adrienne
About anything….over and over again.
Think the birds are singing? Nope. Trust me, they are all talking to each other. Dogs barking? Nah….just chatting.
It is a phenomenon that has mystified the male of the species since the dawn of time. It is simply not in their DNA.
I embrace this fabulous DNA as my birthright and I have elevated it to an art form. I believe in the gathering of women.
Though I am middle aged, single, never married, with no kids-my friends all chose the traditional route of husbands, and families. And so my perspective is that of a single woman who is firmly entrenched in the lives and families of my closest friends. I know and love their children, and truly like their husbands. Martini Fridays are not about excluding them-it is about processing all that they bring!
Martini Fridays enable us to talk about all of it…all the time. It is cathartic. It is the female process that is buried in the female collective consciousness and bubbles to the surface wherever two or more of us are gathered. It is safety, and warmth, and love. It is what ultimately enables us to process the events of our lives and remain sane.
Indeed, it is what keeps us from smothering a spouse with a pillow, grounding our kids for life, and dodging our mothers' calls.
It is therapy and it's FREE! We hover, we "check-in", we send loving e-mail greeting cards, we scan and sniff the air for any disturbance in the "force", and most of all-we LISTEN.
So, wise men everywhere should gently nudge their women out the door to a Martini Friday. Guys can grunt at each other during a game and feel enlightened. Speaking isn't necessary for them. But, if they're smart, they know that the women in their lives need an ocean of estrogen to swim in to feel better.
Your Friend,
Adrienne
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Third Leg of Martini Fridays...Laura
The summer of 1972, before high school, I met Laura...
She was everything I wasn’t. Blonde, blue-eyed, perfect white teeth, and tan. She had gone to the local Catholic school for 8 years and would now be unleashed on the same public high school Jane and I were going to. She was game for anything fun, which never failed to alarm a rather cautious Jane.
It was within the confines of homeroom, football games, parties, and countless crushes on countless unsuspecting boys that the three of us became friends. All was well. We were young and fun was our primary goal. Have we always stayed connected over the years? No, but we would reconnect between the circumstances of our lives. College, jobs, moving, marriage, kids........
Okay, three teenage girls on the brink of womanhood…who looked older than we were….let me repeat……we looked older than we were……and we were emotional infants. A perfect storm of classic adolescent angst.
The boys……we talked about them, followed them, knew which hall they walked down to get to class (today we would be called stalkers), and then the whole process would begin again because we found a new one.
Laura is what I call a "Fun Friend"-loosley defined in a previous blog-not reckless- just focused on the pursuit of an adventure. Something that would be spun into "Laura Lore" years later. Surely, any friend Laura has ever had must has plenty of stories to tell about riotous situations that could be woven into a "Glee" episode.
Anybody out there care to share? LOL......
Laura’s four children have a hard time believing their mother was voted “Best Party Giver” in high school. They also could not believe that their mother and I had taken out my parents’ car at the age of 15. We figured Laura’s drivers permit was good enough. We were idiots. We never got caught. We were invincible.
There were no seat belts, we drank and drove, and we got into cars with boys who drank and drove. Frankly, our whole generation did. According to today's stats-we shouldn't have made it to our 21st birthday!
.
Sadly, today Laura is the epitome of a responsible parent....sigh.
I long for the days when we thought of no consequences. When we just wanted to laugh, and get to the next party. We were not shallow, superficial, party girls. We were extroverts!!!! Except for Jane....she always had a boyfriend.
So, how do we define fun now? Let me take a stab at this.
So, I salute my "fun" friends and mourn our youthful exuberance.
Can somebody help me out of this chair?
Your Friend,
Adrienne
She was everything I wasn’t. Blonde, blue-eyed, perfect white teeth, and tan. She had gone to the local Catholic school for 8 years and would now be unleashed on the same public high school Jane and I were going to. She was game for anything fun, which never failed to alarm a rather cautious Jane.
It was within the confines of homeroom, football games, parties, and countless crushes on countless unsuspecting boys that the three of us became friends. All was well. We were young and fun was our primary goal. Have we always stayed connected over the years? No, but we would reconnect between the circumstances of our lives. College, jobs, moving, marriage, kids........
Okay, three teenage girls on the brink of womanhood…who looked older than we were….let me repeat……we looked older than we were……and we were emotional infants. A perfect storm of classic adolescent angst.
The boys……we talked about them, followed them, knew which hall they walked down to get to class (today we would be called stalkers), and then the whole process would begin again because we found a new one.
Laura is what I call a "Fun Friend"-loosley defined in a previous blog-not reckless- just focused on the pursuit of an adventure. Something that would be spun into "Laura Lore" years later. Surely, any friend Laura has ever had must has plenty of stories to tell about riotous situations that could be woven into a "Glee" episode.
Anybody out there care to share? LOL......
Laura’s four children have a hard time believing their mother was voted “Best Party Giver” in high school. They also could not believe that their mother and I had taken out my parents’ car at the age of 15. We figured Laura’s drivers permit was good enough. We were idiots. We never got caught. We were invincible.
There were no seat belts, we drank and drove, and we got into cars with boys who drank and drove. Frankly, our whole generation did. According to today's stats-we shouldn't have made it to our 21st birthday!
.
Sadly, today Laura is the epitome of a responsible parent....sigh.
I long for the days when we thought of no consequences. When we just wanted to laugh, and get to the next party. We were not shallow, superficial, party girls. We were extroverts!!!! Except for Jane....she always had a boyfriend.
So, how do we define fun now? Let me take a stab at this.
- Gathering for Martini Fridays. Let's be honest.None of us can drink more than 2 martinis.
- Staying up past 10 pm. This requires plannning and napping ahead of time.
- Attending a ____ game. Insert the sport and somebody's offspring plays it.
- Discussing the merits of different potting soils.
- Comparing the girth of our thighs and frequency of hot flashes.
So, I salute my "fun" friends and mourn our youthful exuberance.
Can somebody help me out of this chair?
Your Friend,
Adrienne
Monday, May 3, 2010
Difference Between a Friend & a Greek Friend!
Every now and then I come across a funny, but acurate snapshot of friendship. Truth be told, you could insert other ethnic groups and delete the Greek reference. I will note if any of these apply to me...LOL....Enjoy!
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
GREEK FRIENDS: Always bring the food. Nah, I always ask for food!
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello.'
GREEK FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. Not if I just saw you.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
GREEK FRIENDS: Call your parents: Theio(uncle) and Theia (aunt). No. I will now call your parents Jack and Elaine.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
GREEK FRIENDS: Cry with you. I am often the reason you are crying.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together. I will also clean out your refrigerator and liquor cabinet while talking and laughing.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
GREEK FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And so I am, with this blog!
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. Okay, maybe this one is accurate. However, middle age has brought the wisdom of new weapons. Like napalm.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
GREEK FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!' I will also ask for a key and offer to water your plants while you are away. Then I will consume the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
GREEK FRIENDS: Are for life. I have refined stalking to a science.
FRIENDS: Will ignore this email.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will forward it. After I have eaten the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
GREEK FRIENDS: Always bring the food. Nah, I always ask for food!
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello.'
GREEK FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. Not if I just saw you.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
GREEK FRIENDS: Call your parents: Theio(uncle) and Theia (aunt). No. I will now call your parents Jack and Elaine.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
GREEK FRIENDS: Cry with you. I am often the reason you are crying.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together. I will also clean out your refrigerator and liquor cabinet while talking and laughing.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
GREEK FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And so I am, with this blog!
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. Okay, maybe this one is accurate. However, middle age has brought the wisdom of new weapons. Like napalm.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
GREEK FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!' I will also ask for a key and offer to water your plants while you are away. Then I will consume the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
GREEK FRIENDS: Are for life. I have refined stalking to a science.
FRIENDS: Will ignore this email.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will forward it. After I have eaten the contents of your refrigerator.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
"An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." ~ Jim Hayes
If one were to catalog one's friends, how many categories would there be? I was giving this some thought and realized that different parts of my soul connect with different people. Our connections to people are born from circumstance. Not many connect to you in more than one way, but that's okay.
What are your categories?
Here are some of mine:
THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER-There is no limit to the amount of listening this friend is willing to do! It can be the 10th time you've complained about the same thing and she is enraptured each time. She is right there with you. Feeling everything you are sharing. Is that a tear in her eye? She will bring you food. She will sit through bad movies with you. She will drag you out of the house and feed you. (Food is key to being my friend). She will stand on her head to get you to cry because “it will be good for you”...and then she will cry right along with you! She will feel so bad for you that you will start to feel bad for her. She is a huge emotional sponge that absorbs all the misery from your weary body. I have no idea where it all goes. I am afraid to ask. Everybody needs one of these friends.
THE FUN FRIEND- This is not to be confused with friends who make you laugh. The fun friend is willing to do anything if it sounds like fun. Like take your parents' car out for a ride...at age 15...with a brand new drivers permit in her pocket. And we DID have fun! This friend throws a party when her parents are gone...and 100 people show up....cause it's fun. This one has a twinkle in her eye before that fun idea even takes form. It's like there's "fun cement" in their head churning around waiting to take form and solidify into an adventure. This friend is not reckless-they just love to be in the moment, spontaneous, and the main cause of your parent's favorite disciplinary action-grounded for life. I have more than one fun friend and hopefully I have BEEN a fun friend a time or two. It helps if your family has a lawyer on retainer.
THE EXPERT FRIEND-I seem to have collected a plethora of friends who “know things.” I mean women who can rewire things, rearrange music, cook expertly without recipes, balance checkbooks in their head while standing on one foot, arrange a special event that defies the category, rearrange furniture and get it right the first time, and book an amazing vacation with one phone call. Yes, these skills add up to a collective consciousness of super powers…that I don’t have. At first, I thought they were sent to me by the Universe in order to mock me. I had none of these skills, was woefully incompetent at most of them, and felt enslaved to these skilled women. I figured it was my karmic lesson in Humility 101. I was to worship them for an appropriate amount of time and then bow to their superiority. But now, they are stuck with me too, which I find vastly amusing.
THE "YOU LIKE TO DO THE SAME THINGS" FRIEND-These friends are invaluable. They like to scour flea markets at the crack of dawn with you, they will happily go with you to a psychic you heard about, they will watch an entire season of “Glee” with you, and are fascinated by the same things you found in a rock shop. Common interests can’t keep a friendship going forever but they get you started and hopefully, along the way, you find other connections that are even better.
I have other categories but I am saving those for later. What are your categories?
Your buddy,
Adrienne
What are your categories?
Here are some of mine:
THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER-There is no limit to the amount of listening this friend is willing to do! It can be the 10th time you've complained about the same thing and she is enraptured each time. She is right there with you. Feeling everything you are sharing. Is that a tear in her eye? She will bring you food. She will sit through bad movies with you. She will drag you out of the house and feed you. (Food is key to being my friend). She will stand on her head to get you to cry because “it will be good for you”...and then she will cry right along with you! She will feel so bad for you that you will start to feel bad for her. She is a huge emotional sponge that absorbs all the misery from your weary body. I have no idea where it all goes. I am afraid to ask. Everybody needs one of these friends.
THE FUN FRIEND- This is not to be confused with friends who make you laugh. The fun friend is willing to do anything if it sounds like fun. Like take your parents' car out for a ride...at age 15...with a brand new drivers permit in her pocket. And we DID have fun! This friend throws a party when her parents are gone...and 100 people show up....cause it's fun. This one has a twinkle in her eye before that fun idea even takes form. It's like there's "fun cement" in their head churning around waiting to take form and solidify into an adventure. This friend is not reckless-they just love to be in the moment, spontaneous, and the main cause of your parent's favorite disciplinary action-grounded for life. I have more than one fun friend and hopefully I have BEEN a fun friend a time or two. It helps if your family has a lawyer on retainer.
THE EXPERT FRIEND-I seem to have collected a plethora of friends who “know things.” I mean women who can rewire things, rearrange music, cook expertly without recipes, balance checkbooks in their head while standing on one foot, arrange a special event that defies the category, rearrange furniture and get it right the first time, and book an amazing vacation with one phone call. Yes, these skills add up to a collective consciousness of super powers…that I don’t have. At first, I thought they were sent to me by the Universe in order to mock me. I had none of these skills, was woefully incompetent at most of them, and felt enslaved to these skilled women. I figured it was my karmic lesson in Humility 101. I was to worship them for an appropriate amount of time and then bow to their superiority. But now, they are stuck with me too, which I find vastly amusing.
THE "YOU LIKE TO DO THE SAME THINGS" FRIEND-These friends are invaluable. They like to scour flea markets at the crack of dawn with you, they will happily go with you to a psychic you heard about, they will watch an entire season of “Glee” with you, and are fascinated by the same things you found in a rock shop. Common interests can’t keep a friendship going forever but they get you started and hopefully, along the way, you find other connections that are even better.
I have other categories but I am saving those for later. What are your categories?
Your buddy,
Adrienne
Thursday, April 29, 2010
"Martini Fridays" is NOT an ad for a bar...
Martini Fridays began because my friends brought the party to me. To my home. Seven years ago.
I was flat on my back with a newly diagnosed mysterious illness....fibromyalgia. I had plans to get together with my girl friends on a Friday night and I had to cancel because I felt miserable. So, I was lying down, cursing my uncooperative body on a daybed in my breezeway. It was a great summer night and I was contemplating an out of body experinece just so that I wouldn't feel anything!!! I heard a knock on the door and I saw blue eyes and a bottle of vodka...Jane had arrived with all the fixings for martinis.
She pulled up a chair next to the bed, sat down, and handed me an ice cold martini....ahhhhhh!
Martini Fridays was born.
I started to invite all my friends because I didn't feel well enough to go out. They came to me. The funny thing is that none of us are big drinkers. We just needed an excuse to gather, and wherever there are two or more women gathered there is a whole lotta talking goin on! And laughing. And the pain and exhaustion I felt melted away.
Friends are the great pain equalizers!! They are medicinal, they are a soft place to fall, and a compass in the fog, and every now and then they throw you a life line and show up with food or a bottle or a plan.
Martini Fridays continue to be an event. Everyone comes over, brings food, and hangs out. Martini Friday is not for the faint of heart. It takes commitment. A lazy friend won't like it.
Maybe women everywhere should throw their own Martini Friday. No kids (usually), no spouses-just a tidal wave of estrogen that flows around everyone and heals the bumps and scrapes of life.
My martinis are shaken, not stirred. Yours can be whatever you want.
Your pal
Adrienne
I was flat on my back with a newly diagnosed mysterious illness....fibromyalgia. I had plans to get together with my girl friends on a Friday night and I had to cancel because I felt miserable. So, I was lying down, cursing my uncooperative body on a daybed in my breezeway. It was a great summer night and I was contemplating an out of body experinece just so that I wouldn't feel anything!!! I heard a knock on the door and I saw blue eyes and a bottle of vodka...Jane had arrived with all the fixings for martinis.
She pulled up a chair next to the bed, sat down, and handed me an ice cold martini....ahhhhhh!
Martini Fridays was born.
I started to invite all my friends because I didn't feel well enough to go out. They came to me. The funny thing is that none of us are big drinkers. We just needed an excuse to gather, and wherever there are two or more women gathered there is a whole lotta talking goin on! And laughing. And the pain and exhaustion I felt melted away.
Friends are the great pain equalizers!! They are medicinal, they are a soft place to fall, and a compass in the fog, and every now and then they throw you a life line and show up with food or a bottle or a plan.
Martini Fridays continue to be an event. Everyone comes over, brings food, and hangs out. Martini Friday is not for the faint of heart. It takes commitment. A lazy friend won't like it.
Maybe women everywhere should throw their own Martini Friday. No kids (usually), no spouses-just a tidal wave of estrogen that flows around everyone and heals the bumps and scrapes of life.
My martinis are shaken, not stirred. Yours can be whatever you want.
Your pal
Adrienne
How It begins-A life-long friendship is born...
Grammar School...a playground pact
In 1969, I stood on the frozen tundra of the playground contemplating my choices. I could go home for lunch or….. I could go home for lunch. Fifth graders don‘t have a lot of choices. As I turned toward home I heard a voice behind me, “Hey Adrienne, since nobody likes either one of us, wanna come to my house for lunch? We might as well be friends.”
Jane, a girl in my fifth grade class, had lain down the desperate gauntlet of friendship.
The invitation had all the social logic of a fifth grader and it was incredibly practical. I could finally hang out with a girl who was as matter of fact about social survival as I was. We sealed the deal over tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches prepared by her mom that day. Ahhh…the simplicity of childhood. It is that window of time in life where the blunt truth just seems like pure logic. I went home with Jane for lunch that day and forty years later, I am still going to her house for lunch. We are an anomalie. We are life long friends. The real deal. And we thought we were the norm. We were wrong. Today, we have coffe every morning at my house.
Nobody liked us because in fifth grade we were the “teachers pets”. It was the one and only time that I liked school.
A grammar school playground is a petrie dish of social drama. Recess is hell on earth. Picking teams for any sport was an exercise in humiliation for most girls. For some reason I was picked before some boys. Why? Because I could run fast, hit a softball a mile, and liked to push boys down. Hard. So did Jane. The years passed and we bonded over social traumas and slights that I like to think we managed more smoothly because we had each other.
Then the hormones hit.....
Middle school came on fast, just like all our hormones. Jane was distracted by boys and I still couldn’t figure them out. I lost count of how many times she went steady with some unsuspecting hormonally savaged boy. She was a feminine machine who actually needed a bra before anyone else did. The rest of us just demanded that our mothers take us for that rite of passage-the first bra-whether we needed one or not. In short, she left me in the dust. She was on a female trajectory I couldn’t comprehend. Launched into womanhood like an estrogen missile. I was in awe.
I am not an expert in friendship, but enough people have asked me along the way, Mom included, how I do it? How do I make and maintain my friendships?
The truth is, I don't know exactly. So, I thought that since so many people struggle with this, I would share my own experience without ego. I am not positioning myself as the "perfect friend". Truth be told, I am often a pain in the ass. But, if you have an amazing friend, or would like to be a better one, why not start now?
Share your stories and maybe we can figure it out together.
Your pal, buddy, confidante, and friend
Adrienne
In 1969, I stood on the frozen tundra of the playground contemplating my choices. I could go home for lunch or….. I could go home for lunch. Fifth graders don‘t have a lot of choices. As I turned toward home I heard a voice behind me, “Hey Adrienne, since nobody likes either one of us, wanna come to my house for lunch? We might as well be friends.”
Jane, a girl in my fifth grade class, had lain down the desperate gauntlet of friendship.
The invitation had all the social logic of a fifth grader and it was incredibly practical. I could finally hang out with a girl who was as matter of fact about social survival as I was. We sealed the deal over tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches prepared by her mom that day. Ahhh…the simplicity of childhood. It is that window of time in life where the blunt truth just seems like pure logic. I went home with Jane for lunch that day and forty years later, I am still going to her house for lunch. We are an anomalie. We are life long friends. The real deal. And we thought we were the norm. We were wrong. Today, we have coffe every morning at my house.
Nobody liked us because in fifth grade we were the “teachers pets”. It was the one and only time that I liked school.
A grammar school playground is a petrie dish of social drama. Recess is hell on earth. Picking teams for any sport was an exercise in humiliation for most girls. For some reason I was picked before some boys. Why? Because I could run fast, hit a softball a mile, and liked to push boys down. Hard. So did Jane. The years passed and we bonded over social traumas and slights that I like to think we managed more smoothly because we had each other.
Then the hormones hit.....
Middle school came on fast, just like all our hormones. Jane was distracted by boys and I still couldn’t figure them out. I lost count of how many times she went steady with some unsuspecting hormonally savaged boy. She was a feminine machine who actually needed a bra before anyone else did. The rest of us just demanded that our mothers take us for that rite of passage-the first bra-whether we needed one or not. In short, she left me in the dust. She was on a female trajectory I couldn’t comprehend. Launched into womanhood like an estrogen missile. I was in awe.
I am not an expert in friendship, but enough people have asked me along the way, Mom included, how I do it? How do I make and maintain my friendships?
The truth is, I don't know exactly. So, I thought that since so many people struggle with this, I would share my own experience without ego. I am not positioning myself as the "perfect friend". Truth be told, I am often a pain in the ass. But, if you have an amazing friend, or would like to be a better one, why not start now?
Share your stories and maybe we can figure it out together.
Your pal, buddy, confidante, and friend
Adrienne
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