I am confident that the female process of talking things to death was born when the first two primitive forms of life crawled out of the water- two of them were female and they were talking.
About anything….over and over again.
Think the birds are singing? Nope. Trust me, they are all talking to each other. Dogs barking? Nah….just chatting.
It is a phenomenon that has mystified the male of the species since the dawn of time. It is simply not in their DNA.
I embrace this fabulous DNA as my birthright and I have elevated it to an art form. I believe in the gathering of women.
Though I am middle aged, single, never married, with no kids-my friends all chose the traditional route of husbands, and families. And so my perspective is that of a single woman who is firmly entrenched in the lives and families of my closest friends. I know and love their children, and truly like their husbands. Martini Fridays are not about excluding them-it is about processing all that they bring!
Martini Fridays enable us to talk about all of it…all the time. It is cathartic. It is the female process that is buried in the female collective consciousness and bubbles to the surface wherever two or more of us are gathered. It is safety, and warmth, and love. It is what ultimately enables us to process the events of our lives and remain sane.
Indeed, it is what keeps us from smothering a spouse with a pillow, grounding our kids for life, and dodging our mothers' calls.
It is therapy and it's FREE! We hover, we "check-in", we send loving e-mail greeting cards, we scan and sniff the air for any disturbance in the "force", and most of all-we LISTEN.
So, wise men everywhere should gently nudge their women out the door to a Martini Friday. Guys can grunt at each other during a game and feel enlightened. Speaking isn't necessary for them. But, if they're smart, they know that the women in their lives need an ocean of estrogen to swim in to feel better.
Your Friend,
Adrienne
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Third Leg of Martini Fridays...Laura
The summer of 1972, before high school, I met Laura...
She was everything I wasn’t. Blonde, blue-eyed, perfect white teeth, and tan. She had gone to the local Catholic school for 8 years and would now be unleashed on the same public high school Jane and I were going to. She was game for anything fun, which never failed to alarm a rather cautious Jane.
It was within the confines of homeroom, football games, parties, and countless crushes on countless unsuspecting boys that the three of us became friends. All was well. We were young and fun was our primary goal. Have we always stayed connected over the years? No, but we would reconnect between the circumstances of our lives. College, jobs, moving, marriage, kids........
Okay, three teenage girls on the brink of womanhood…who looked older than we were….let me repeat……we looked older than we were……and we were emotional infants. A perfect storm of classic adolescent angst.
The boys……we talked about them, followed them, knew which hall they walked down to get to class (today we would be called stalkers), and then the whole process would begin again because we found a new one.
Laura is what I call a "Fun Friend"-loosley defined in a previous blog-not reckless- just focused on the pursuit of an adventure. Something that would be spun into "Laura Lore" years later. Surely, any friend Laura has ever had must has plenty of stories to tell about riotous situations that could be woven into a "Glee" episode.
Anybody out there care to share? LOL......
Laura’s four children have a hard time believing their mother was voted “Best Party Giver” in high school. They also could not believe that their mother and I had taken out my parents’ car at the age of 15. We figured Laura’s drivers permit was good enough. We were idiots. We never got caught. We were invincible.
There were no seat belts, we drank and drove, and we got into cars with boys who drank and drove. Frankly, our whole generation did. According to today's stats-we shouldn't have made it to our 21st birthday!
.
Sadly, today Laura is the epitome of a responsible parent....sigh.
I long for the days when we thought of no consequences. When we just wanted to laugh, and get to the next party. We were not shallow, superficial, party girls. We were extroverts!!!! Except for Jane....she always had a boyfriend.
So, how do we define fun now? Let me take a stab at this.
So, I salute my "fun" friends and mourn our youthful exuberance.
Can somebody help me out of this chair?
Your Friend,
Adrienne
She was everything I wasn’t. Blonde, blue-eyed, perfect white teeth, and tan. She had gone to the local Catholic school for 8 years and would now be unleashed on the same public high school Jane and I were going to. She was game for anything fun, which never failed to alarm a rather cautious Jane.
It was within the confines of homeroom, football games, parties, and countless crushes on countless unsuspecting boys that the three of us became friends. All was well. We were young and fun was our primary goal. Have we always stayed connected over the years? No, but we would reconnect between the circumstances of our lives. College, jobs, moving, marriage, kids........
Okay, three teenage girls on the brink of womanhood…who looked older than we were….let me repeat……we looked older than we were……and we were emotional infants. A perfect storm of classic adolescent angst.
The boys……we talked about them, followed them, knew which hall they walked down to get to class (today we would be called stalkers), and then the whole process would begin again because we found a new one.
Laura is what I call a "Fun Friend"-loosley defined in a previous blog-not reckless- just focused on the pursuit of an adventure. Something that would be spun into "Laura Lore" years later. Surely, any friend Laura has ever had must has plenty of stories to tell about riotous situations that could be woven into a "Glee" episode.
Anybody out there care to share? LOL......
Laura’s four children have a hard time believing their mother was voted “Best Party Giver” in high school. They also could not believe that their mother and I had taken out my parents’ car at the age of 15. We figured Laura’s drivers permit was good enough. We were idiots. We never got caught. We were invincible.
There were no seat belts, we drank and drove, and we got into cars with boys who drank and drove. Frankly, our whole generation did. According to today's stats-we shouldn't have made it to our 21st birthday!
.
Sadly, today Laura is the epitome of a responsible parent....sigh.
I long for the days when we thought of no consequences. When we just wanted to laugh, and get to the next party. We were not shallow, superficial, party girls. We were extroverts!!!! Except for Jane....she always had a boyfriend.
So, how do we define fun now? Let me take a stab at this.
- Gathering for Martini Fridays. Let's be honest.None of us can drink more than 2 martinis.
- Staying up past 10 pm. This requires plannning and napping ahead of time.
- Attending a ____ game. Insert the sport and somebody's offspring plays it.
- Discussing the merits of different potting soils.
- Comparing the girth of our thighs and frequency of hot flashes.
So, I salute my "fun" friends and mourn our youthful exuberance.
Can somebody help me out of this chair?
Your Friend,
Adrienne
Monday, May 3, 2010
Difference Between a Friend & a Greek Friend!
Every now and then I come across a funny, but acurate snapshot of friendship. Truth be told, you could insert other ethnic groups and delete the Greek reference. I will note if any of these apply to me...LOL....Enjoy!
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
GREEK FRIENDS: Always bring the food. Nah, I always ask for food!
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello.'
GREEK FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. Not if I just saw you.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
GREEK FRIENDS: Call your parents: Theio(uncle) and Theia (aunt). No. I will now call your parents Jack and Elaine.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
GREEK FRIENDS: Cry with you. I am often the reason you are crying.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together. I will also clean out your refrigerator and liquor cabinet while talking and laughing.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
GREEK FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And so I am, with this blog!
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. Okay, maybe this one is accurate. However, middle age has brought the wisdom of new weapons. Like napalm.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
GREEK FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!' I will also ask for a key and offer to water your plants while you are away. Then I will consume the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
GREEK FRIENDS: Are for life. I have refined stalking to a science.
FRIENDS: Will ignore this email.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will forward it. After I have eaten the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
GREEK FRIENDS: Always bring the food. Nah, I always ask for food!
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello.'
GREEK FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. Not if I just saw you.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
GREEK FRIENDS: Call your parents: Theio(uncle) and Theia (aunt). No. I will now call your parents Jack and Elaine.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
GREEK FRIENDS: Cry with you. I am often the reason you are crying.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together. I will also clean out your refrigerator and liquor cabinet while talking and laughing.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
GREEK FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And so I am, with this blog!
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. Okay, maybe this one is accurate. However, middle age has brought the wisdom of new weapons. Like napalm.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
GREEK FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!' I will also ask for a key and offer to water your plants while you are away. Then I will consume the contents of your refrigerator.
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
GREEK FRIENDS: Are for life. I have refined stalking to a science.
FRIENDS: Will ignore this email.
GREEK FRIENDS: Will forward it. After I have eaten the contents of your refrigerator.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
"An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." ~ Jim Hayes
If one were to catalog one's friends, how many categories would there be? I was giving this some thought and realized that different parts of my soul connect with different people. Our connections to people are born from circumstance. Not many connect to you in more than one way, but that's okay.
What are your categories?
Here are some of mine:
THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER-There is no limit to the amount of listening this friend is willing to do! It can be the 10th time you've complained about the same thing and she is enraptured each time. She is right there with you. Feeling everything you are sharing. Is that a tear in her eye? She will bring you food. She will sit through bad movies with you. She will drag you out of the house and feed you. (Food is key to being my friend). She will stand on her head to get you to cry because “it will be good for you”...and then she will cry right along with you! She will feel so bad for you that you will start to feel bad for her. She is a huge emotional sponge that absorbs all the misery from your weary body. I have no idea where it all goes. I am afraid to ask. Everybody needs one of these friends.
THE FUN FRIEND- This is not to be confused with friends who make you laugh. The fun friend is willing to do anything if it sounds like fun. Like take your parents' car out for a ride...at age 15...with a brand new drivers permit in her pocket. And we DID have fun! This friend throws a party when her parents are gone...and 100 people show up....cause it's fun. This one has a twinkle in her eye before that fun idea even takes form. It's like there's "fun cement" in their head churning around waiting to take form and solidify into an adventure. This friend is not reckless-they just love to be in the moment, spontaneous, and the main cause of your parent's favorite disciplinary action-grounded for life. I have more than one fun friend and hopefully I have BEEN a fun friend a time or two. It helps if your family has a lawyer on retainer.
THE EXPERT FRIEND-I seem to have collected a plethora of friends who “know things.” I mean women who can rewire things, rearrange music, cook expertly without recipes, balance checkbooks in their head while standing on one foot, arrange a special event that defies the category, rearrange furniture and get it right the first time, and book an amazing vacation with one phone call. Yes, these skills add up to a collective consciousness of super powers…that I don’t have. At first, I thought they were sent to me by the Universe in order to mock me. I had none of these skills, was woefully incompetent at most of them, and felt enslaved to these skilled women. I figured it was my karmic lesson in Humility 101. I was to worship them for an appropriate amount of time and then bow to their superiority. But now, they are stuck with me too, which I find vastly amusing.
THE "YOU LIKE TO DO THE SAME THINGS" FRIEND-These friends are invaluable. They like to scour flea markets at the crack of dawn with you, they will happily go with you to a psychic you heard about, they will watch an entire season of “Glee” with you, and are fascinated by the same things you found in a rock shop. Common interests can’t keep a friendship going forever but they get you started and hopefully, along the way, you find other connections that are even better.
I have other categories but I am saving those for later. What are your categories?
Your buddy,
Adrienne
What are your categories?
Here are some of mine:
THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER-There is no limit to the amount of listening this friend is willing to do! It can be the 10th time you've complained about the same thing and she is enraptured each time. She is right there with you. Feeling everything you are sharing. Is that a tear in her eye? She will bring you food. She will sit through bad movies with you. She will drag you out of the house and feed you. (Food is key to being my friend). She will stand on her head to get you to cry because “it will be good for you”...and then she will cry right along with you! She will feel so bad for you that you will start to feel bad for her. She is a huge emotional sponge that absorbs all the misery from your weary body. I have no idea where it all goes. I am afraid to ask. Everybody needs one of these friends.
THE FUN FRIEND- This is not to be confused with friends who make you laugh. The fun friend is willing to do anything if it sounds like fun. Like take your parents' car out for a ride...at age 15...with a brand new drivers permit in her pocket. And we DID have fun! This friend throws a party when her parents are gone...and 100 people show up....cause it's fun. This one has a twinkle in her eye before that fun idea even takes form. It's like there's "fun cement" in their head churning around waiting to take form and solidify into an adventure. This friend is not reckless-they just love to be in the moment, spontaneous, and the main cause of your parent's favorite disciplinary action-grounded for life. I have more than one fun friend and hopefully I have BEEN a fun friend a time or two. It helps if your family has a lawyer on retainer.
THE EXPERT FRIEND-I seem to have collected a plethora of friends who “know things.” I mean women who can rewire things, rearrange music, cook expertly without recipes, balance checkbooks in their head while standing on one foot, arrange a special event that defies the category, rearrange furniture and get it right the first time, and book an amazing vacation with one phone call. Yes, these skills add up to a collective consciousness of super powers…that I don’t have. At first, I thought they were sent to me by the Universe in order to mock me. I had none of these skills, was woefully incompetent at most of them, and felt enslaved to these skilled women. I figured it was my karmic lesson in Humility 101. I was to worship them for an appropriate amount of time and then bow to their superiority. But now, they are stuck with me too, which I find vastly amusing.
THE "YOU LIKE TO DO THE SAME THINGS" FRIEND-These friends are invaluable. They like to scour flea markets at the crack of dawn with you, they will happily go with you to a psychic you heard about, they will watch an entire season of “Glee” with you, and are fascinated by the same things you found in a rock shop. Common interests can’t keep a friendship going forever but they get you started and hopefully, along the way, you find other connections that are even better.
I have other categories but I am saving those for later. What are your categories?
Your buddy,
Adrienne
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